Why is it that when a group of women gather around another woman nearing the birth of her child, the conversation always turns to the scary, painful birth stories? Is it that each person has to play the game “mine was worse than yours”? or is it that each person really has a traumatic birth story to tell. I thought I had great stories to tell, but quickly learned that I had nothing compared to most. Scary stories, of vacuum extractors, heart rate drops, c-sections, and episiotomies. Does the media depiction of birth lead us to tell only our scary birth stories, and keep the wonderful happy stories to ourselves?
After the birth of my second baby (a daughter) my husband stated that if I have another baby when she is older that she needs to attend the birth. I totally agree! I think of what a good impact would be made if young girls (I’m thinking 10 and up) were able to witness a live birth. My reasoning? To let girls know that birth is a natural process. That yes, it hurts, but it is a good hurt. That your body does know what to do. Heavenly Father created our bodies with giving birth in mind. That a woman’s body has all it needs to complete the process itself.
Now don’t get me wrong, I would not sign up to have teenage girls at my birth (just my own daughters, thank you!) I am not one who likes a party when I am in labor. But still what an impact I think can be made by letting our young daughters know that birth is a wonderful, miraculous process. That there can be much peace and joy in a room of a birthing mother.
I know there is a big debate over home birth verses hospital birth. And I totally fall on the side of home birth. But that is for me. That is where I can do the work (labor) the best, and therefore the safest for my children. But I know others do better at a hospital, knowing at a seconds notice the help they may need is there ready. Me, too much intervention which would do more harm than good. But that is a bog post for a different time.
My hope now is to encourage those out there with good birthing stories, whether at home or hospital or anywhere in between, to be more vocal about them. When everyone starts sharing their scary birth stories around the soon to give birth mother, could we not share the happy birth stories we have, tell what a blessing it is to give birth. What a miracle God gave us as women. And maybe sooth the nerves of the soon to be mother, and teach our growing daughters that when done at the right time, under the right circumstances birth is a wonderful thing, not to be feared.
3 comments:
Fortunately I haven't been in a "scary birth story" conversation, and I've had a lot of birth conversations! The scary birth stories I've heard are mostly due to natural problems (heart rate dropping, cords around necks, baby not breathing when born), not any problems with too much intervention. And fortunately most of the stories -- no matter how scary to tell -- end up having happy endings.
Although I agree that our bodies know what to do, I don't think all bodies do it! It's like diabetes -- most bodies are fine, but there are some that don't process sugars right. Or thyroid problems -- although most bodies know how to use the thyroid, some just don't and therefore would have major problems without medicine.
I am VERY grateful for the knowledge and medicine our doctors and midwives have nowadays, because that's what is keeping moms and babies alive so it CAN be a good experience, even if there were scary moments.
I've been blessed with awesome, peaceful, spiritual experiences with my births. For me, this would not have been the case without an epidural. (Remind me to tell you about how our epidural cavity was planned just as the empty shaft in the SL Temple. :) I do agree that midwives make a much better experience, though. I'm so glad we went that route as I like their level of attention.
I agree that girls would benefit from seeing a nice, peaceful birth. However, you also have to realize that scary moments are not planned. So, it would be tricky to decide if it is worth risking traumatizing a young girl in efforts not to. Just a thought. My niece saw a birth when she was young and decided to NEVER have children because of it. She is 20 and still isn't very excited about the idea because of being traumatized young.
I personally don't think I'll invite any of my girls in until they're 16 or older. Maybe that'd be good birth control at that age, anyway. :) Mind you, if it weren't for Becca I wouldn't still be having children when my girls reach 16 ... hopefully!
Here's my thought: it's important to tell women that are preparing to have a baby (even if it's years away) that birth can be a beautiful, wonderful thing. They should also be told that it can hurt. A lot. And that things go wrong sometimes, just so they can make educated choices if problems arise. I had two very different experiences with both of my boys. The one that was natural would be considered by many to be the scary birth story since Cooper came very close to being born on the freeway, whereas Peter's birth, with epidural, was much calmer.
I think the reason we tell the scary stories isn't so much to one up each other (although that might be part of it) as it is to say "If I could make it through that, then you can too!"
Also, I don't know if you saw my husband's reply to your comment on my blog. I used Windows Movie Maker to do Cooper's birthday video. It was just on my computer, on the start menu, and it's pretty easy to use.
I just wish more girls viewed birth as a wonderful thing, not something to fear. I wish I had much more knowledge of labor and birth before I actually went through it myself as well. I truely think more education for girls on the matter would do a lot of good. I know us mothers may talk a lot about our experiences, but including our daughters in it could be very beneficial.
Post a Comment